The Bridges We Burn and The People We Leave Behind.

I wish I could say I'm level headed, calm, cool, and collected. But when it comes to caring  about well anything really I feel it so deeply it almost reaches my bones.

I give out chances almost infinitely, a deep character flaw within myself. Because there comes a time when graciousness isn't gracious at all, it's an act of self harm. 

Of self hatred,

Self abandonment,

The actions of a rejected child seeking the approval of those that hurt her, its self destruction under the guise of compassion.

So back to the topic at hand. The bridges we burn and the people we leave behind.

Truthfully. Every bridge I've burnt I've also DESPERATELY tried to repair. And I have rebuilt them, at the expense of myself.

People that I know are no good for me are the same people I wish to be seen by. To be deeply and wholly understood by. Maybe if I sacrifice for them they'll want to sacrifice for me. If I make myself into a martyr they'll hold me in higher regard. I'll be more than "just" alright or tolerable.

But they won't.

They never did.

And they never will.

So this is me encouraging not just myself but YOU as well. Run as fast as you can and as far as your feet will take you. Run from the bridges you've brunt and the people they connected you to and wash the ashes from your hands. There is no good to be found in rebuilding those.

I know you're saying 

"What about everyone I left behind, if I don't rebuild the bridge how will they go with me?"

They won't. I'm sorry. 

You can stay stuck with them or you can be free. But you don't het both.

We spend more time rebuilding what has deeply wounded us than we do repairing the brokenness it has caused.

This is for me as much as it is for everyone else. Stop reliving the same 6 moths, stop picking at your wounds, you're only making the scars deeper. There comes a time when we all must face ourselves. 

The choice is always yours.

-Izzy :)